The many hues of myself

   One aspect of my identity that a person wouldn't be able to see just by looking at me is that I am very afraid . Uncertainty is terrifying to me . The thought of not knowing what is next keeps me up at night . Having more than one possible outcome is overwhelming an unwelcome in my book .I've lived the majority of my life with such certainty, a comfortable rut , a rut of safety . Everything was a routine for me , not a thumb tack out of place .There came a point in my life when the word "certainty" became unfamiliar. I felt alone . I was an outcast with in myself . I've begun to become more accustomed to uncertainty like the way one would to a new neighbor or school. The more often we cross paths , the more tolerable it becomes . But like old chewing gum on the bottom of your shoe on a hot summer's day , the fear still remain , sticky and difficult to get rid of . Fear works weirdly . As surprising as this may sound , in some instances I'm glad that I am afraid . Over confidence and Too much certainty in a matter can be as triumphant as it is detrimental .